Sunday, 2 June 2013

Big Girls Con't Cry...

by:  sonshineofmylife
sharing the Light of Jesus site

I spent my life with my dreams packed away, while the terrors of the world flowed around me~
This is the promise scripture sitting on my computer for today. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) Funny thing is that sometimes we feel alone, like an island in our strength and courage. Anyway that’s how it is for me. I find comfort in these words that I am never alone.

If I had to use one word that best described my childhood, which affected my adulthood and has been a raging battle for me all the days of my life, it would be “rejection”. Using this word is not unjustified, for surely I have earned its battle scars.

I learned very early not to cry. Well maybe, in a way. In rage and frustration. Now and then. In a shower. In a closet. But always away from people and their judgment. Their reminders that I am a “big girl” and I simply need to “suck it up and carry on.” Oh, the tears of rage. They don’t heal. They are just a minute pressure valve, while the pressure cooker keeps puffing away. There I was, year after year putting band aids upon band aids, all the while wondering if they would ever find a cure for rejection.

Like a child, I love the Lord ~ for all the days of my life ♥
I admit freely that I am in love with my Lord. It is my desire to serve Him whenever and however I can. However, I must add that in these years of loving and serving Him, I still have so many of the same struggles. I begin to doubt myself, and reject my own love for Him as being unworthy. Knowing that He offers me comfort, I still feel awkward in social settings; I still feel alone; I still long for “something” deep down in my heart. And I stand before Him, ashamed of my weakness. Yet He loves me. Amazing!

The other night I was attacked by the enemy in a dream. A dream that left me shaken and sick deep down in the reins of my being. I was attacked in a precious, vulnerable area. A place of my only joy. A place of my only sure footing. I awakened with such deep sorrow, that I didn’t ever want to get up. Not depression. Oh trust me. I know about that. I know about manic depression. No. This was crucial to my very foundations. I sought comfort in the Lord and in my husband. Somehow I made it through the day.

Jesus will wipe away our tears~
I began to notice tears were simply leaking out of my eyes throughout the day. These weren’t tears of rage. These were tears of cleansing, tears of healing.

Jesus will lift us up with compassion and love~
The Lord quickened the Spirit within me, opening my heart, my ears and my eyes this morning. He compels me to share this today, for those of you who are struggling along these same lines. For those of you who are not, then He compels you to pray for us. So here is the lesson.

The wound that needs to be healed is not a disease of rejection, it is a disease of betrayal. Rejection is a manifestation of betrayal. Not by what we have done, but as the result of betrayal. God never planned for us to be born and filled with rejection; we came into this world without it. Rejection is a noun. That means that sickness was given to us, and only through betrayal, a verb. There is nothing in the flesh which can cure it, only the Lord can.

The Lord knows every tear in our heart, in every season~
This is what the Spirit revealed to me: We are given a time, a season to live and to love others, to exhort, to help, to restore, to refresh. The Kingdom of God and all that is Holy requires us to seek Him first and follow His path. He will guide us. He will help us. But we must choose, and be willing. In the course of our life, the Lord trusts us to be responsible with the people He puts into our lives and to cherish them, loving them according to His will. When we fail to do that, we betray not just those people, but God and all that is Holy.

Betrayal can lead to death. Death of family. Death of relationships. Death of a person. It is a three step process to overcome betrayal and rejection, when we follow the leading of the Lord:
Step #1. Betrayal [verb] – someone gives us over to an enemy by treachery or fraud [lies].
Step #2. Rejection [noun] – state of being rejected [implanted in us through betrayal].
Step #3. Reject [verb] – refuse to acknowledge; throw away as useless [we must reject the rejection and forgive the betrayal].

Jesus was betrayed by Judas Iscariot. Once that betrayal was in place, Jesus felt and knew rejection. He showed the way for us how to handle the worst rejection we could ever imagine. What did Jesus say to Judas? “Go, do what you have to do.” Judas fled from the room. Jesus, the son of God was not going to move Judas to change his heart or actions. Jesus was not responsible for Judas’ actions, nor impure heart. All Jesus could do was to handle how He received it and how He dealt with it. It was crucial to the salvation of all mankind. He told Judas to leave. Later, in the garden Judas took betrayal so far as to place a kiss on our Lord. Oh the shame of it! Jesus acknowledged that betrayal by asking “Would you betray me with a kiss?” Nowhere does it say in the Bible that Jesus ever spoke to Judas again, nor did Judas return to Jesus to ask forgiveness. Yet Jesus forgave him from the cross.

When we are tempted through envy and jealousy, it can lead to betrayal~
Betrayal is most often from someone we love, or we are close to. When that someone didn’t resist temptation, but determined to follow evil. So it is, when someone betrays us, it is not our responsibility. It is theirs. We can’t change that, but we can alter the course of the outcome. We can rebuke the rejection such betrayal brings, by refusing to accept it, thus turning it back on itself. We can tell the Lord how much we hurt and ask His help. He is always faithful, and will be there to help us through.

My dream, as dreadful and painful as it was, allowed the Lord to open the festering wound of rejection deep inside me, and He is letting all that pour out of me. He is cleansing me. He is healing a malignant growth within me, a growth which has hampered me all of my life. I know there are others suffering this way. So here we are my friends. At a crossroads. A place where we can let our Great Surgeon do His work, or continue to suffer. I sit here typing these words, trusting the Lord, and hoping you will be blessed by them.

…and like a flood His mercy brings unending love~
Be blessed with freedom in the Lord today. Freedom from the chains of betrayal. Chains of rejection that bind.

[PSALM 41:6-13] …and when they come to see me, they utter empty words, while their hearts gather mischief; when they go out they tell it abroad. All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me. They think that a deadly thing has fastened on me, that I will not rise again from where I lie. Even my bosom friend in whom I trusted, who ate of my bread, has lifted the heel against me. But you, O Lord, be gracious to me, and raise me up, that I may repay them [with love and forgiveness]. By this I know that you are pleased with he; because my enemy [who was my beloved] has not triumphed over me. But you have upheld me because of my integrity [in repaying with love and forgiveness], and set me in your presence forever. Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen.